A driver is stuck in a
traffic jam on the Freeway. Nothing is moving. Suddenly a man knocks on the
window.
The driver rolls down his window and asks, "What happened?"
"Terrorists have
kidnapped Hillary Clinton, Ted Kennedy, Jesse Jackson, and Al Sharpton. They are
asking for a $10 million ransom. Otherwise they are going to douse them with
gasoline and set them on fire. We are going from car to car, taking up a
collection."
The driver asks, "How much is everyone giving, on average?"
"About a gallon"
The US
Postal Service created a stamp with a picture of Senator Hillary Clinton to
honor her achievements as the First Lady of our nation. In daily use, however,
it was shown that the stamp was not sticking to envelopes.
This enraged Senator Clinton, who demanded a full investigation. After a month
of investigating, a special commission published the following findings:
*The stamp was in perfect order.
*There was nothing wrong with the glue/adhesive.
*People were spitting on the wrong side.
SUBJECT: No parent left behind.........
You cannot read these and not laugh out loud. These are REAL
notes written by PARENTS in a Tennessee school district...
(Spellings have been left intact.)
1-- MY SON IS UNDER A DOCTOR'S CARE AND SHOULD NOT TAKE PE TODAY.
PLEASE EXECUTE HIM.
2-- PLEASE EXKUCE LISA FOR BEING ABSENT SHE WAS SICK AND I HAD HER
SHOT.
3-- DEAR SCHOOL: PLEASE ECSC's JOHN BEING ABSENT ON JAN. 28, 29,30,
31, 32 AND ALSO 33.
4-- PLEASE EXCUSE GLORIA FROM JIM TODAY. SHE IS ADMINISTRATING.
5-- PLEASE EXCUSE ROLAND FROM P.E. FOR A FEW DAYS. YESTERDAY HE FELL
OUT OF A TREE AND MISPLACED HIS HIP.
6-- JOHN HAS BEEN ABSENT BECAUSE HE HAD TWO TEETH TAKEN OUT OF HIS
FACE.
7-- CARLOS WAS ABSENT YESTERDAY BECAUSE HE WAS PLAYING FOOTBALL. HE
WAS HURT IN THE GROWING PART.
8-- MEGAN COULD NOT COME TO SCHOOL TODAY BECAUSE SHE HAS BEEN
BOTHERED BY VERY CLOSE VEINS.
9-- CHRIS WILL NOT BE IN SCHOOL CUS HE HAS AN ACRE IN HIS SIDE.
10-- PLEASE EXCUSE RAY FRIDAY FROM SCHOOL. HE HAS VERY LOOSE VOWELS.
11-- PLEASE EXCUSE PEDRO FROM BEING ABSENT YESTERDAY. HE HAD (DIAHRE,
DYREA, DIREATHE), THE SH**S. NOTE: [WORDS IN ( )'s WERE CROSSED
OUT]. (Love it! :-) )
12-- PLEASE EXCUSE TOMMY FOR BEING ABSENT YESTERDAY. HE HAD
DIARRHEA,AND HIS BOOTS LEAK.
13-- IRVING WAS ABSENT YESTERDAY BECAUSE HE MISSED HIS BUST.
14-- PLEASE EXCUSE JIMMY FOR BEING. IT WAS HIS FATHER'S FAULT.
{You know, this could be legit! ;-)
15-- I KEPT BILLIE HOME BECAUSE SHE HAD TO GO CHRISTMAS SHOPPING
BECAUSE I DON'T KNOW WHAT SIZE SHE WEAR.
16-- PLEASE EXCUSE JENNIFER FOR MISSING SCHOOL YESTERDAY. WE FORGOT
TO, GET THE SUNDAY PAPER OFF THE PORCH, AND WHEN WE FOUND IT
MONDAY.
WE THOUGHT IT WAS SUNDAY.
17-- SALLY WON'T BE IN SCHOOL A WEEK FROM FRIDAY. WE HAVE TO ATTEND
HER FUNERAL.
18-- MY DAUGHTER WAS ABSENT YESTERDAY BECAUSE SHE WAS TIRED. SHE
SPENT A WEEKEND WITH THE MARINES. {I absolutely LOVE that one!}
19-- PLEASE EXCUSE JASON FOR BEING ABSENT YESTERDAY. HE HAD A COLD
AND COULD NOT BREED WELL.
20-- PLEASE EXCUSE MARY FOR BEING ABSENT YESTERDAY. SHE WAS IN BED WITH
GRAMPS.
21-- GLORIA WAS ABSENT YESTERDAY AS SHE WAS HAVING A GANGOVER.
22-- PLEASE EXCUSE BRENDA. SHE HAS BEEN SICK AND UNDER THE DOCTOR.
23-- MARYANN WAS ABSENT DECEMBER 11-16, BECAUSE SHE HAD A FEVER,
SORE THROAT, HEADACHE AND UPSET STOMACH. HER SISTER WAS ALSO
SICK,
FEVER AN SORE THROAT, HER BROTHER HAD A LOW GRADE FEVER AND
ACHED ALL OVER.
I WASN'T THE BEST EITHER, SORE THROAT AND FEVER. THERE MUST BE
SOMETHING GOING AROUND,
HER FATHER EVEN GOT HOT LAST NIGHT.
NOW WE KNOW WHY PARENTS ARE SCREAMING FOR BETTER EDUCATION FOR OUR KIDS.